Calneon
19th November 2008, 03:17 PM
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
A sheep rancher invites an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician to a competitive bidding for building his corral.
The engineer is the first to present his solution: he looks at the white board with a picture of sheep scattered around a field, and draws a square that encompasses them all, saying that the fence walls would be of a uniform length and that making orthogonal cuts is the most natural thing with power tools.
The physicist presents his solution next: he goes up to the white board and draws a circle around all the sheep, saying that the circle gives the most interior area for the least circumferential length.
The mathematician then goes up to the white board to present his solution. He draws a little circle off to the side that doesn't encompass a single sheep. The rancher, the engineer, and the physicist are all puzzled, and look at him wondering what he's up to, demanding that he explain himself.
"That," said the mathematician, pointing to the interior of the little circle, "is the outside."
A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are eating lunch at a patio cafe. All three of them observe 2 persons enter a building across the street. A few moments later, three persons exit the same building.
The biologist postulates that they reproduced and the third person was their offspring.
The physicist thinks that one slapped the other so hard that he/she split bringing their total to three.
The mathematician simply says that there are now negative one people in that building.
Two mathematicians walk into in a bar.
The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics.
The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.
The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress.
He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer "one third x cubed."
She repeats: "one thir -- dex cue?"
He repeats "one third x cubed."
"One thir dex cuebd?"
"Yes, that's right", he says.
So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex cuebd... one thir dex cuebd... one thir dex cuebd..."
The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees.
The second man calls over the waitress and asks "What is the integral of x squared?"
The waitress says "one third x cubed" and while walking away, turns back and adds with a wink "...plus a constant."
A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer vacationing abroad, when (for reasons never made clear to them), they are arrested and sentenced to death by guillotine. The day of the execution come, and the three unlucky men are lead up to the top of the platform.
The mathematician is put on the block, and the executioner pulls the rope. Nothing happens: the blade does not move. Quickly, the mathematician exclaims "the events are equally likely, so P(E)=1/2 and all is well." He declares that he cannot be executed for the same crime twice. The executioner mulls over this slowly, and decides the law is on the side of the mathematician. He is set free.
Next on the block is the physicist. The executioner pulls the rope, and again nothing happens. Remembering what the mathematician did, the physicist declares, "KE = 1/2 mv2 and v=0 so all is well." He reminds the executioner that he cannot be executed for the same crime twice. He is set free.
Finally, the engineer, who has been watching the goings-on intently, is up. As his head is shoved into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and replies "Wait a minute! I see the your problem..."
Yeah, I was bored xD.
A sheep rancher invites an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician to a competitive bidding for building his corral.
The engineer is the first to present his solution: he looks at the white board with a picture of sheep scattered around a field, and draws a square that encompasses them all, saying that the fence walls would be of a uniform length and that making orthogonal cuts is the most natural thing with power tools.
The physicist presents his solution next: he goes up to the white board and draws a circle around all the sheep, saying that the circle gives the most interior area for the least circumferential length.
The mathematician then goes up to the white board to present his solution. He draws a little circle off to the side that doesn't encompass a single sheep. The rancher, the engineer, and the physicist are all puzzled, and look at him wondering what he's up to, demanding that he explain himself.
"That," said the mathematician, pointing to the interior of the little circle, "is the outside."
A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are eating lunch at a patio cafe. All three of them observe 2 persons enter a building across the street. A few moments later, three persons exit the same building.
The biologist postulates that they reproduced and the third person was their offspring.
The physicist thinks that one slapped the other so hard that he/she split bringing their total to three.
The mathematician simply says that there are now negative one people in that building.
Two mathematicians walk into in a bar.
The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics.
The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.
The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress.
He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer "one third x cubed."
She repeats: "one thir -- dex cue?"
He repeats "one third x cubed."
"One thir dex cuebd?"
"Yes, that's right", he says.
So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex cuebd... one thir dex cuebd... one thir dex cuebd..."
The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees.
The second man calls over the waitress and asks "What is the integral of x squared?"
The waitress says "one third x cubed" and while walking away, turns back and adds with a wink "...plus a constant."
A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer vacationing abroad, when (for reasons never made clear to them), they are arrested and sentenced to death by guillotine. The day of the execution come, and the three unlucky men are lead up to the top of the platform.
The mathematician is put on the block, and the executioner pulls the rope. Nothing happens: the blade does not move. Quickly, the mathematician exclaims "the events are equally likely, so P(E)=1/2 and all is well." He declares that he cannot be executed for the same crime twice. The executioner mulls over this slowly, and decides the law is on the side of the mathematician. He is set free.
Next on the block is the physicist. The executioner pulls the rope, and again nothing happens. Remembering what the mathematician did, the physicist declares, "KE = 1/2 mv2 and v=0 so all is well." He reminds the executioner that he cannot be executed for the same crime twice. He is set free.
Finally, the engineer, who has been watching the goings-on intently, is up. As his head is shoved into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and replies "Wait a minute! I see the your problem..."
Yeah, I was bored xD.