ATK XMAS Draw - FREE copy of L4D!!

[Chalex4]

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Want to WIN a FREE copy of Left 4 Dead? Feel like your missing out on the latest game from Valve?


To enter, all you have to do is post your favourite Christmas joke below!


To give everyone an equal chance, the winner will be chosen randomly and it will not depend on the quality of the joke.


If you already have Left 4 Dead, you may still post your favourite joke, but make sure you let us know that you already have the game.


This prize draw is open to all members with 10 posts or more, and the draw will be made on the 30th December by me on a video posted here.


A special thanks goes to those of you that have donated or subscribed over the last year. To allow us to continue these competitions as often as possible, all contributions are greatly appreciated and they will be spent on improving many other areas of the Community as well!

Subscriptions (http://www.atkcommunity.com/index.php?page=subscriptions) | Donations (http://www.atkcommunity.com/billspaypal.php)

http://www.endsights.com/wp-admin/images/left4dead-mar1st.jpg

[Darkeagle]

Q. Why does Santa Claus like to work in the garden?
A. Because he like to hoe, hoe, hoe!


Good luck to all that enters, BUT I WANA WIN!

[Trigger]

Im greedy i want two copys :D (joking)

Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?
A:You have to hollow out it's head first








No seriously i want it

[Marshy]

What Do You Do At Christmas?

A teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked each of her students how they
celebrated Christmas. She called first on young Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me, Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?"

Patrick addressed the class "Me and my twelve brothers and sister
go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns. Then we come home very
late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our
stockings. Then we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come
with all our toys."

"Very nice, Patrick," she said. "Now, Jimmy Brown, what do you do
at Christmas?"

"Me and my sister also go to church with Mum and Dad, and we sing
carols. When we get home, we put cookies and milk by the chimney
and hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus
to bring our presents."

"That's also very nice, Jimmy," she said.

Realizing that there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting
to leave him out of the discussion, she asked him the same
question.

"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

"Well, we also sing carols," Isaac responded.

Surprised, Mrs. Jones questioned further. "Tell us what you sing."

"Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the
office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce and drive to his toy
factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves
and sing, "What a friend we have in Jesus." Then we all go to
the Bahamas for 2 weeks.

L4D Would go great with my new comp ;) *Cough i have a subscription cough*

[Calneon]

I'm don't understand your joke Trigger, why would you hollow out the head?

Anyway here's mine, I don't have L4D:

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid said, "Yeah."

The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike."

The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humouring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

[Chalex4]

I don't have L4D:

Haha lol, nice try :p.

Awesome jokes guys, keep them coming!

[Isphera]

It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, 'What are you charged with?'

The prisoner replied, 'Doing my Christmas shopping too early.'

'That's no crime', said the magistrate. 'Just how early were you doing this shopping?'

'Before the shop opened', answered the prisoner.

EDIT : Think of this as the beginning of the end for my WoW addiction.

EDIT2:
Q:Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?
A:You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

EDIT3: Good idea - I wonder where you got it from :P

[Chazlene]

This all seems rather professional and out of the blue...


What's worse than sitting on Father Christmas' lap and he gets an erection?

When he stands up and you don't fall off.

[Calneon]

We had a meeting this-morning (well, yesturday morning) to discuss what we could do to improve the community and servers. This was one of the results xD.

EDIT: Zomg! "Feel like your missing out", honestly Chalex :P.

[Bloo]

What was Christmas like at the cannibal's house?

They had grandma for Christmas dinner.

[D_K_Head]

We had a meeting this-morning (well, yesturday morning) to discuss what we could do to improve the community and servers. This was one of the results xD.

EDIT: Zomg! "Feel like your missing out", honestly Chalex :P.

took us 40 minutes to decide what to do :P

Yay for the british way of deciding things. Talk about all the possible options, stupid and otherwise for a long period of time, then break up and go have a cup of tea. Good comp though

[Target]

Could do with a copy likes, so heres a cracker of a joke :P (see the pun cracker :D)

A dog is for life not just for Christmas, so be careful at the next office Christmas party.

[Trigger]

I'm don't understand your joke Trigger, why would you hollow out the head?

Sigh phantom, please tell me that everyone else got, i thought it was rather simple yet effective tbh :confused:

Oh and ur grammer failed then, tut tut

[VoX]

Q:What's the evilest way to kill a snowman?

A:Wait for it to melt and leave a suicide note.

[Darkpidgeon]

Well here's mine

Santa's Bad Day

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

[Vicious Horizon]

I look young Chalex. Isn't that enough?

(Sorry, that was really uncalled for..)

[Colonel Mitch]

Chalex..... can i make an anti-campbell joke?

[Target]

as long as its got something christmassy in it y not :P

[Shigurei]

Father Christmas' sledge broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, 'Can you help me fix my sledge?'
'Sorry,' the motorist replied. 'I'm not a mechanic - I'm a chiropodist.'
'Well, can you give me a toe?'

can we say dirty jokes? lol~

[Darkeagle]

Sorry but you dont qualify for this compotiton.

[Shigurei]

damn.....oh well~i already have a copy of L4D but i need another one for me

[D_K_Head]

...because we all need two copies now don't we?

[Calneon]

{вℓσσ∂Øค†н}ﮙhigurei|†£คR

Whaaaat theeeeerrrr helllzzzz?

[VoX]

Darkeagle got it correct, as your post count is under the stated minimum of 10 and you have only recently signed up, you application for this competition is rejected.

Also, I can understand the need for a second copy to give as a gift to someone, but why would you need another one for yourself? Am I correct in assuming that the VAC system had something to do with this?

[D_K_Head]

Is anyone stupid enough to cheat in a co-op game?

[Isphera]

You'd be surprised. I've seen some real dumbasses on the internets.

[D_K_Head]

Heh, you'll probaly meet a fair few next week then.

[VoX]

Is anyone stupid enough to cheat in a co-op game?

VAC banned from one game = VAC banned from ALL Valve games.

[Darkeagle]

Vox, stop trying to be a mod, it really annoying!

[Marshy]

lol? Marshys turn, Please keep this topic on track.

[D_K_Head]

so... free copy of L4D...

na, none of my friends deserve a free game from me :P

[Shigurei]

...because we all need two copies now don't we?

nah it's because my brother and me own the same steam account unless it's my alt acct which only has the required games to play another L4D and you can't register the same L4D code twice or of course i could use a HEY HO! but i don't wanna cheat someone out of their money

[Isphera]

OK, so again, why does the fact you have an alt account entitle your to a second copy. If you want to use the first one, then don't get banned from VAC. Why do you have an alt account anyway?

EDIT - FFS, stop using silly sigs, choose one which doesn't actually move.

[VoX]

Nevertheless, as I have said, as the application was made before you reached the minimum post count of 10, you are not eligible for the competition.

Now, that's enough of me talking like a stuck up prick.

[Isphera]

No, its true. And even though he has now gone over 10 posts (5 of them in a massive row), he is still not eligible, as he already has a copy.

[Vicious Horizon]

Fastest ban in ATK history?

[Isphera]

He isn't banned. And sNk was the fastest, 16 hours.

[Vicious Horizon]

I know he's not banned, I thought he would be soon.

And whoaa, what did sNk do? I'll look at the posts XD

[Mr.Big]

Right, forgot all about this thread, my joke lol:

Q: How do you know Santa has to be a man?
A: No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

[VoX]

Hahaha, nice one Mr. Big.

[CILLIT BANG]

coldnt get a 'funny' real joke so this will do xD

SANTA'S PICK UP LINES
1. I know when you`ve been bad or good -- so let's skip the small talk, sister!
2. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
3. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
4. Some of my best toys run on batteries... <wink wink>
5. I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any underwear, do you?
6. Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "nice AND naughty" list!
7. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?
8. That's not a candy cane in my pocket, honey. I'm just glad to see you!

[VoX]

Wanted to add another one that's a bit better.

The Merging Of Christmas and Hanukkah

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we''re told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful."

[Vicious Horizon]

After playing L4D, I now want a copy XD

Many have asked, “What is the reason for the angel on top of the Christmas tree?”

Once upon a time Santa was rushed to get ready for Christmas. He had told Mrs. Claus to wake him at 5 a.m. and to have his breakfast ready with a lunch to bring along. He also told the elves to have all the Christmas presents packed in the sleigh and the reindeer harnessed by 5:30.

At 5:30 the following morning Santa Claus awoke and jumped out of bed furious with Mrs. Claus for NOT wakeing him up on time! Santa’s mood only got worse when he realized Mrs. Claus had NOT fixed breakfast or lunch!! Santa then ran out to his sleigh only to see that the elves had NO presents packed and the reindeer were running wild in the pasture!!!

About this time a little angel walked by dragging a large Christmas tree. Santa tried to ignore since he wasn’t his jolly old self.

But, the angel spoke up and said, "Santa what should I do with this Christmas tree?"

And that is the reason for the angel on top of the Christmas tree.

[Vicious Horizon]

Bollocks.

[Calneon]

Those ones were great VoX and VH.

[Chazlene]

Here's another one I found quite good:


A woman goes into her local music store looking for an old record; behind the counter is small young boy.

She says: "Excuse me sonny, but do you have Jingle Bells on a 7 inch?"

He says: "No, but I've got dangling balls on a 9 inch."

"That's not a record is it?"

"It is for a 10 year old."

[CILLIT BANG]

have a spamm of knock knock jokes ... all about christmas ... 1 must be a winner :P

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who ?
Wenceslas train home ?

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Snow
Snow who ?
Snow business like show business !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wayne
Wayne who ?
Wayne in a manger... !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Donut
Donut who ?
Donut open till Christmas !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Oakham
Oakham who ?
Oakham all ye faithfull... !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Avery
Avery who ?
Avery merry Christmas !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Holly
Holly who ?
Holly-days are here again !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Rudolph
Rudolph who ?
Money is the Rudolph of all evil !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Igloo
Igloo who ?
Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie... !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Mary
Mary who ?
Mary Christmas !

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Carol singers!
Carol singers! Do you know what flaming time of night it is?
No, But if you hum it we'll sing it!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Rabbit!
Rabbit who?
Rabbit up neatly, it's a present!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Arthur!
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Wendy!
Wendy who?
Wendy red red robbin comes bob bob bobbin along!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Police!
Police who?
Police don't make me eat brussel sprouts this year!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Wanda!
Wanda who?
Wanda know what you're getting for Christmas?

[Trigger]

Thank God for copy and paste eh cillit :D
Anyway when do we get told who won?

[CILLIT BANG]

indeed i want left 4 dead gif challex :P

[Frost Wraith]

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

frost bite

[MrAwesome10893]

i only got 3 posts but cn I entr anyway??

heres my joke:

ww2 was goin on n the brits sent a joky xmas message to the french, it was a code of

S370HSSV-0773H

they cudnt figure it out so they sent it to russians hu coulnt figure it out either, so they even gav it to the germns hu said 'turn it upsied down'

pleas give me the l4d i didnt gt much else 4 xmas :((((

[Calneon]

pleas give me the l4d i didnt gt much else 4 xmas :((((
Unfortunately we don't do pity here at ATK, we just laugh at you instead.

Sorry but rules are rules, stick around and get involved in the community and you can enter the next draw we have!

[Isphera]

pleas give me the l4d i didnt gt much else 4 xmas :((((

Gotta have 10 posts buddy.

[D_K_Head]

Solution: Ebay

[Calneon]

Better solution: Steam sale!

[D_K_Head]

Best Solution: Get a mate to buy a 4 pack and get a free copy

[Vicious Horizon]

I got two things for Xmas, GalCiv2 and an ant farm. And I haven't been mentioning it every 5 minutes have I?

(I know I began a sentence with And, and I also know I spelt sentence wrong, BUT DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A F*CK!?)

[Bloo]

I got two things for Xmas, GalCiv2 and an ant farm. And I haven't been mentioning it every 5 minutes have I?

(I know I began a sentence with And, and I also know I spelt sentence wrong, BUT DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A F*CK!?)

You look like you're the one who takes them. :rolleyes:



TAKE THAT!

[Calneon]

You actually spelt sentence right.

[Vicious Horizon]

I did? Bollocks. I can never get that word.

[Calneon]

I did? Bollocks. I can never get that word.
You can contradict yourself though ;).

[Vicious Horizon]

I can also make absolutely no sense in every single post I make in a day.

[CILLIT BANG]

comon challex its been evening for ages who wone :P