Arteess

[D_K_Head]

I posted this in the shoutbox a while back, but I think it drowned, so here it is again.

I figure there's enough content to ask for an opinion now (and yes, I know it needs massive spell-checks and minor rewriting in places, but that can wait.)

Oh, and this is pretty long... 50 pages at 12 pt at last count, so if you're feeling tl;dr, don't bother.

http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AQmQzF2vnQHcZGRneGNweGRfMTl3dmJramhn&hl=en

Oh, and I've put a lot of effort into this (by which I mean got bored at 2am/used spare time between application loads in school/written while waiting for UK Reality Insurge - Korengal to get back up) so be nice.

[Colonel Mitch]

Format it with chapters into something more readable and i may consider reading it.

(Thats quite constructive coming for me no NO BITCHING ;))

[Bloo]

Hmm, looking through it again, I still don't think it sounds gamery enough. I don't know, maybe more slang terms? The characters sound quite stiff still. Aside from that, eh, nice premise. Not sure I agree with the idea that games start coverge into one supergame, but it's a nice idea.

[ez64]

I read a bit of it and it just seems like a story from a 3rd person (gamer) playing a game commenting about a fairly dull game lol.

[Bloo]

So a review of a non-existant game? Oo-err.

[Chalex4]

I actually considered printing this off and reading it in bed, but I cba now so mayybeee later :p.

I will say though that writing the amount you have, just "for fun" is really immense. Perhaps as people have said, if you make it more exciting you could be onto something!

I'll probably totally change my opinions after reading it though.