Bestiary of the Forums.

ADMIN ABUSE! I STICKIED MY OWN IRRELEVANT THREAD!

I Bloo of the Forums have made this bestiary of the forums for all to see and let those who read, be better prepared if you face one of these beasts...

Thread Necromancers: Dangerous men and women, they raise threads from the dead and rise up long dead arguments and evils. They tend not to pay attention much and have a terrible head for numbers. Call upon the power of the Mods to defeat them.

Internet/Forum Trolls: These monsters spew the most obscene language to be heard ("lol nub!" "ur mum is ghey!" "im 1337!") and often attack random members. They're spiteful creatures who pick their prey and attack without relent. In popular belief, they are said to have a weakness to fire. This UNTRUE. Trolls grow in power as they flame, becoming more obscene and bold in their attacks.

Internet Stalkers: An evolution of trolls, they're much the same but have attached themselves to a single member. They follow the member about and post personal hostile remarks about them. They are extremely cowardly and only attack from behind, so watch your back if you think one is after you.

Flamers/Pyromaniacs: Cultists of flaming, they hide among normal members and can appear perfectly normal, however they can in a moment reveal their true nature and set entire threads, nay forums alight. They often ally with trolls to cause havoc.

Spammers: Believed to be small goblinoid creatures, they post nothing comments in threads to increase their post count. They are usually only minor pests, however if left unchecked they can cause huge amounts of havoc and require the heavy boot of the Mods to deal with. There is another variety, which is more blunt in it's action. It makes the same thread over and over again and are an annoying pest who must be dealt with speed. Most of this variety are mindless beasts with no intelligence.

Banbeast: A creature that has had the righteous power of the mods applied to them. Some react violently to this banishment (or "ban") and mutate into the horrible banbeast. They have no power within the forums but hang around it's edges, planning their cruel attacks. They're misshapen wretches and can be quite horrifying to look upon.

Bonnacon: They're a member, or atleast can shapeshift into one. In reality they're a monsterous creature that spews crap across as much as two pages of a thread. This crap is very flammable and draws trolls and flamers to it instantly. Be afraid, as they crap often, and across many threads.

Lurkers: They look like shadows, and are basically harmless, they merely watch, they never post and never respond. They simply are.

Paladins: Self Righteous members who appoint themselves as champions of order against the many vile beasts of the forums, in many cases they can be just as annoying as any other beast and have to be dealt with. It is often wondered, does the stick up their ass have to be implanted, or does it grow naturally?

Members: Normal folk, they enjoy irrelevant banter and sex jokes. Some have faith in the Mods, others are unsure of their power, who knows.
- There is a subclass of Members, which I call Peasants. They post random pictures and have an affinity for the world of "Youtube". Peasants post what appear to be "funny" videos and pictures that fufill only base lower pleasures, rather than higher, more cerebral humour.

The Mods: Once normal members, they have been given amazing powers to control threads and destroy spammers and trolls with single click of a button. They are said to work for the mysterious Admin.

The Admin: The creator deity of the Forums, he has said to have left the forums and now works behind the scenes, making sure everything work while never appearing himself. Some say he is called Chalex, others say that "Admin" is his name and title.


This is of course, not a full listen of the monsters that can invade and pervert forums. Feel free to add your own, or not.

Brilliant, how DO you come up with this stuff Bloo...

Wow, amazing work there Bloo, I am glad you were given your moderator powers :D. Would be worth pinning/sticking this for future reference!

it is a fine bestiary.....we will all be better able to defend ourselves against such nasty beasties

Like it :) Makes a good read too.

I can think of a few you missed...

No! oric is not a paladin he's a warlock

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Originally Posted by Oricalcos

I can think of a few you missed...

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I'm very happy to add any other beasts you can think of! I do request that they meet these requirements however:

- They're not some other fantasy game class, it doesn't matter if you feel a ranger or a warrior exists on the forums in some form. I'm only calling the paladin a paladin because people will get Deva mixed up with diva probably. (Deva are angels in Hindu and Buddhist mythology, and the word has been stolen by fantasy authors to give their angels a different name.)

- They don't exist to insult other people, whether they're members, non-members or banned. I already have plans for the Banbeast.

- They can't be grues, or badgers. Grues because this forum is too bright for them, badgers because they aren't funny. Don't badger me into adding badgers.

Needs to be a beast like you Bloo, who no-one takes seriously, but is respected for bringing laughter and a positive attitude to the forums. :p

I had a very VERY different prediction of what this thread was going to look like :)

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Originally Posted by Chazlene

Needs to be a beast like you Bloo, who no-one takes seriously, but is respected for bringing laughter and a positive attitude to the forums. :p

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After doing the geography of the forums, I plan to write in greater detail about the Mods. Like who each of the Mods are, how they reached Modhood, former Mods, and what powers the Mods actually have. Or not. Also the only reason no one takes me seriously is because I WANT them to not take me seriously, it's the perfect cover.

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Originally Posted by ez64

I had a very VERY different prediction of what this thread was going to look like :)

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Did it involve more badgers?

Another insight to the mind of Bloo.

@ez64 - You weren't the only one mate lol.

censorship! Oh Noes! Bloo Has Censored The Last Few Posts! Admin Abuse! Admin Abuse!

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I had a very VERY different prediction of what this thread was going to look like

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I think that what you were thinking is what I had in mind to adding for the list. So you thought of what I was thinking.

LOL THE NECRO