The ATK Forum Roleplay (Again!)

In Spaceship form! I was reading through old threads recently and decided to resurrect this old gem in a brand new form, previously it was set in an office, the only logical conclusion is that we’d go to space next. Feel free to play join in.

So the USS ATK is voyaging through space, with its well trained and completely irrelevant crew. The crew being:

Officers: (if you’re interested in playing, put what your job is here, like chief of security, or kittens, or something) Admin and Mods obviously.
Chalex – Captain, in charge of maintaining the whole ship. Is very protective about his Captain's Chair.
Chazlene – First Officer.
Bloo – Navigator/ Second Officer.
VoX – Pilot / Third Officer.
Phantom -

Crewmen (yellow, blue or normal names):
The rest of you are the crew.
Oricalcos - Gunnery Chief
D_K Head - Chief Scientist/ Doctor
Vicious Horizon - Ship's Noob/ Junior Crewman
(Kinda-sorta NPC) Mr Big - Maintenance Engineer
(NPC) Joe – Does something important, but no one is sure what.
(NPC) Ensign Ricky – The guy who is obviously going to die first.
(NPC) Bubber – Custodial Officer and Cook.
(NPC) MR51N-D2 - Obligatory Robot.
(NPC) Autopilot - Obvious.
(NPC) Ambassador Kyle Medea of the planet Nostril. (Temporary passenger)

Rules:
Format your post like this:
Alice: I love lamp.
Bob: No you don’t.
Alice: Yes I do. *Whacks Bob*

If you’re going to post dialogue which is not in character put a // in front of it. If you’re using a NPC put a (NPC) before their name. Don’t godmode (make yourself so inordinately powerful that nothing can affect you etc... if you do you’re just compensating for something anyway.) Don’t talk for other members of the community (unless they give you permission). Try not to make everything you do outrageously dramatic, witty banter is appreciated more. Remember actions are in ** tags like the example above.
If you want to join in just making an introductory post, no chainsaw massacres, be your character, develop their personality. Try not to speak 1n 1337. Use NPC’s freely. If someone posts while you were writing, edit your post to make sense. Keep it short-ish. Don’t get angry if people mock you in character, get back at them in character yourself!
Feel free to poke fun at sci-fi, the internet, and other members as you go on.

Also, and this just made me vomit, HAVE FUN! XD

I will also attempt to answer any comments, questions, etc you may have here:

Q: But Bloo, roleplaying is hideously uncool and any female of the species will immediately be repelled to you for doing it! Why should I post in this thread with you sad people?
A: Thank you for wonderful question! The answer is simple, we go on a website, talk about games, tell horrible jokes, link random pictures of LOLcats or Rick Astley performing “Never gonna give you up”. Why is posting satirical paragraphs which are essentially just a form of communal storytelling suddenly a dividing line between what is allowed and not allowed?

Q: Because I say so and because you’re doing an activity which I don’t agree with!
A: That never stopped me from doing your mum night after night!

Q: I posted a message expressing my view on not liking the forum roleplay and you continue to edit it to me spouting about my homosexuality/ small penis/ lack of personal hygiene, why?
A: Because deleting takes a lot more effort than editing.

Q: I want to play! I’m an alien!
A: I always thought you were.

Q: With four testicles!
A: Great!

Q: And I’m fifty foot tall!
A: Obviously be at least somewhat normal, fifty foot aliens with four balls are a great way to spice things up, but usually when they rape someone.

Q: I’m no good at this kind of thing, I don’t understand, what should I do?
A: Think of yourself as a character in a story, act like you would if you were that character. Read the rules for a general format on how to post, and some general etiquette. This is more to have fun than to make an epic sci-fi experience. So you know, tell crewman Vicious that the accept button is the big blue button that says “Accept” or crack jokes at your fellows mum. Basically, just parody ATK and don’t give a shit.

Q: Someone just did something funny IRL, can I comment on it in the thread?
A: Yes! Try and make it make sense in the context of the ship, or not. Or talk about your cat maybe.

// So I'll start it off.

*The USS ATK has been tasked with taking Ambassador Kyle Medea to the Interstellar Council meeting on Uranus, a trip that will take several days and many misadventures*
*Bloo arrives to the bridge to see that no one else has woken up yet, the whole place is empty.*
Bloo: Great, woke up a hour early again, now what do I do...
*spies the Captains seat and sits on it, beginning to play with buttons like a small child* I AM CAPTAIN BLOO AND IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER! Weeee!

// Cool idea Harry, I'll try and be active :).

*Bloo, unaware that one of the buttons he just pressed activated the intercom for the whole ship, continues to play around in the control chair*

*Meanwhile, Chalex4, is abruptly awoken to a voice shouting "Weeee!"*

*Chalex4, still drowsy and rather annoyed that someone's disturbed his precious sleep, fumbles on his bed side table for his earpiece.*

Chalex4: *Activating his headset* Bloo? That's you isn't it. Before you do anything else, just step away from the chair. That thing can do a lot of damage. Anyway, why are you up now? Just go to the holodeck, or..you know...perhaps you should check we're still on the right path? Just an idea.

*Chalex4, considering whether he should go and check on him, remembers that he didn't give out his customary warning*

Chalex4: Oh, and Bloo. Don't touch the chair again. If you want to shine it, you'll have to ask me as well.

*Chalex4, taking out his earpiece, sits back and enjoys the silence. Who knows what today will hold!*

// Judging by what Chalex said I guess it's night time...

*Chazlene is fast asleep dreaming about unicorns and shit*

*Bloo sighs, his fun being ruined decides to do as the Captain says and sits down at his station and checks the navigation chart*

Bloo: Hmm right everything seems in order, hopefully we won't be attacked by any space pirates while passing through the Uber nebula. Or I could send us into that wormhole over there for giggles... nah... Oh well.

*Bloo looks at his space holographic watch*

Bloo: Ooh, the kitchen is open, might go get breakfast while everyone else is waking up...

*Chazlene, bothered by the arguing going on above his head between Bloo and Chalex, eventually decided with much effort to flop out of bed. He decided to head to the kitchen, only wearing his ASTRO-BOXERS (//see, it fits in with the setting) and stumbled down the corridor of the officers' quarters, eyes still closed tight, pushing off the walls for support. Eventually making it to the dining area, Chazlene grabbed an imitation coffee, and went to sit down opposite Bloo, who had caught his attention by waving in a surprisingly sprightly manner.*

Chazlene (in a croaky voice): Morning Bloo... (who was trip waving frantically despite Chazlene having already sat down) ... we still on course to the Uber Nebula?

*Oricalcos, the ships weapons expert, was also awoken by Bloo bouncing up and down on Chalex's captain's chair, affectionaly known by the drones on the weapons deck as the 'Love Throne'. Not long after waking, he dresses in full ship regalia, including the standard issue pistol and the flimsy, makeshift, non-descript medal for saving the ship's old kitten from the waste disposal system. It unfortunatly had an airlock accident about 10 minutes later.

*Rather then enter the commotion occuring on the flight deck and officers level, Oricalcos goes straight to the weapons deck to inventory the weapons taken on at the last port. Along the way to the weapons storage area, he sees Joe skulking away with assorted parts. Normally one to question what other members are doing in the weapons desk, he let's Joe slide, but continues to wonder what he actually does and what, if anything, he was building.

*Oricalcos finally finds himself at the weapons storage area and it's respective database, where he begins to cataloge the new small arms and ammo, along with the larger ship weapons, whilst the drones pack them away. He also begins to run diagnostics on the ship's defences, which is often a very tempermental process, with the least problematic scenario being all the lights in the ship turning themselves off, and the most being an accidental ship lockdown for an hour. Hoping for the former or something in between, he begins the process.

//Just introducting character.

*sitting in the mess hall with Chazlene, Bloo takes a sip of his coffee from his personal "Ask me about Navigation!" mug.

Bloo: Through the Uber Nebula, through it... our destination Chazlene is.. *takes a breath* URANUS!
*Chazlene at this point facepalms and shakes his head at Bloo*
Bloo: Come on, you have to expect that joke by now..
Chazlene: Every time you say it Bloo, I die a little inside.
Bloo: Which is precisely why I say it! *takes another sip of his coffee, smiling to himself before tucking into his Orion Scrambled Eggs and Bacon from Alpha Centuri, the lights flicker a bit and everyone in the room look up at them thinking*

*Vox, The Pilot of the ship, walks into the mess hall, Sipping good old English tea from his "Free mug" mug, and sits down to listen to the engaging conversation between Bloo and Chazlene

Vox: Morning all, all well up here?

Chazlene: Oh hey thar Vox... same old same old to be honest, coffee still tastes like Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal piss and (*gives Bloo's food a disgusted look*) Bloo can somehow face a stupendous amount of fried food this early... what's up with you?

*D_K is still asleep. And is likely to remain asleep for at least two more hours, because D_K is NOT a morning person. Even when morning dosen't exist.

*Bloo after finishing his bacon and eggs looks up at the two and replies to Chazlene*
Bloo: I've been up for three hours already, so this probably lunch for me. *he wipes his face with a napkin clearing it of bacon fat.* Either way I should get to the bridge and check through our course again, and make sure the autopilot isn't sending us into the core of a sun, again. *looks at VoX, narrowing his eyes* Can't trust a woman, even a woman who is technically an advanced computer, to drive eh?
*Bloo gets up and walks off, as he walks into the corridor Joe bumps into him, dropping some of the various contraceptions he's acquired*
Joe: Sorry sir.
Bloo: No problem. *spies all the odd things he has, laser rifles, plasma torches, neutronium shielding bars, astro-boxers, holographic keycards* Erm, what are they all for?
Joe: My job sir.
Bloo: Right... Err, carry on. *Mental Note: Actually look through the crew roster to see what he does on the ship* I must go as well then.
*Bloo heads off to the Bridge again, it still being empty, he sits at his post and looks about, then fires up Spade Invaders on his personal console which he had illegally ported onto it.*

// I shall be the ship noob.

Ir teh janitor/maintenance! Ddibss!
and no i dont do toilets...

(eh eh i cba to type fun stuff, i just want to read stuff you type about me and ill feel special then :))

*Having finished the diagnostic, with only a little light flickering, Oricalcos heads up to the mess hall, making sure to grab his 'Lasers don't kill people, I do' mug on the way. Nearing the mess hall, he sees a couple of rifles and shield devices dropped around the corridor. He calls up a drone from the weapons bay to collect them and then proceeds to enter the mess hall, where he notices Chaz and VoX sitting.

Oricalcos: 'Sup guys. Did the diagnostic cause too many problems up here?

*Before waiting for a responce, Oricalcos begins to make breakfast from the counters of hot Mokchao imported from Sheldor V, a blended mixture of Mok Tribe bird meats, the scrambled eggs of the reptilian Chanarian and rich syrup from the AoAo human settlement. He also fills his mug up with some of VoX's tea.

Chazlene: Heya Oric, nah no problems up here... (suddenly realising it's later than he thought) Ah damn, I'd better get up to the bridge, see you lot later.

*Chazlene leaves the mess hall and starts walking up to the bridge, when he gets there he finds the autopilot sat at the controls, with Bloo engrossed in something at the navigation console. Despite the calm atmosphere, Chazlene suddenly notices that the autopilot is taking the ship straight into an asteroid field*

Chazlene: Wait... dammit Bloo, didn't you notice what the autopilot is doing?!

Bloo: (*looks up confused*) Wuh...?

*Chazlene storms over to the autopilot and without consideration rips it away from the console, which screams as it falls onto the ground. The whole ship shudders for a few seconds until Chazlene places his hands on the controls and takes over controlling the ship.*

Chazlene: (*Over the intercom*) Vox! Get up here right now and steer the ship, the bloody autopilot has got us into a mess... (*Chazlene looks down at the twitching autopilot, which occasionally emits sparks*) MR51N-D2... come and take the autopilot down to repairs...

*After a few seconds Chazlene looks over at Bloo who is staring at the autopilot with a look of worry on his face*

Chazlene: Bloo... check the navigation monitors, can we easily evade the asteroid field?