ATK XMAS Draw - FREE copy of L4D!!

coldnt get a 'funny' real joke so this will do xD

SANTA'S PICK UP LINES
1. I know when you`ve been bad or good -- so let's skip the small talk, sister!
2. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
3. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
4. Some of my best toys run on batteries... <wink wink>
5. I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any underwear, do you?
6. Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "nice AND naughty" list!
7. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?
8. That's not a candy cane in my pocket, honey. I'm just glad to see you!

Wanted to add another one that's a bit better.

The Merging Of Christmas and Hanukkah

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we''re told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful."

After playing L4D, I now want a copy XD

Many have asked, “What is the reason for the angel on top of the Christmas tree?”

Once upon a time Santa was rushed to get ready for Christmas. He had told Mrs. Claus to wake him at 5 a.m. and to have his breakfast ready with a lunch to bring along. He also told the elves to have all the Christmas presents packed in the sleigh and the reindeer harnessed by 5:30.

At 5:30 the following morning Santa Claus awoke and jumped out of bed furious with Mrs. Claus for NOT wakeing him up on time! Santa’s mood only got worse when he realized Mrs. Claus had NOT fixed breakfast or lunch!! Santa then ran out to his sleigh only to see that the elves had NO presents packed and the reindeer were running wild in the pasture!!!

About this time a little angel walked by dragging a large Christmas tree. Santa tried to ignore since he wasn’t his jolly old self.

But, the angel spoke up and said, "Santa what should I do with this Christmas tree?"

And that is the reason for the angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Bollocks.

Those ones were great VoX and VH.

Here's another one I found quite good:

Quote:

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A woman goes into her local music store looking for an old record; behind the counter is small young boy.

She says: "Excuse me sonny, but do you have Jingle Bells on a 7 inch?"

He says: "No, but I've got dangling balls on a 9 inch."

"That's not a record is it?"

"It is for a 10 year old."

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have a spamm of knock knock jokes ... all about christmas ... 1 must be a winner :P

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who ?
Wenceslas train home ?

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Snow
Snow who ?
Snow business like show business !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wayne
Wayne who ?
Wayne in a manger... !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Donut
Donut who ?
Donut open till Christmas !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Oakham
Oakham who ?
Oakham all ye faithfull... !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Avery
Avery who ?
Avery merry Christmas !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Holly
Holly who ?
Holly-days are here again !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Rudolph
Rudolph who ?
Money is the Rudolph of all evil !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Igloo
Igloo who ?
Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie... !

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Mary
Mary who ?
Mary Christmas !

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Carol singers!
Carol singers! Do you know what flaming time of night it is?
No, But if you hum it we'll sing it!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Rabbit!
Rabbit who?
Rabbit up neatly, it's a present!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Arthur!
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Wendy!
Wendy who?
Wendy red red robbin comes bob bob bobbin along!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Police!
Police who?
Police don't make me eat brussel sprouts this year!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Wanda!
Wanda who?
Wanda know what you're getting for Christmas?

Thank God for copy and paste eh cillit :D
Anyway when do we get told who won?

indeed i want left 4 dead gif challex :P

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

frost bite

i only got 3 posts but cn I entr anyway??

heres my joke:

ww2 was goin on n the brits sent a joky xmas message to the french, it was a code of

S370HSSV-0773H

they cudnt figure it out so they sent it to russians hu coulnt figure it out either, so they even gav it to the germns hu said 'turn it upsied down'

pleas give me the l4d i didnt gt much else 4 xmas :((((

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MrAwesome10893

pleas give me the l4d i didnt gt much else 4 xmas :((((

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Unfortunately we don't do pity here at ATK, we just laugh at you instead.

Sorry but rules are rules, stick around and get involved in the community and you can enter the next draw we have!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MrAwesome10893

pleas give me the l4d i didnt gt much else 4 xmas :((((

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Gotta have 10 posts buddy.

Solution: Ebay

Better solution: Steam sale!

Best Solution: Get a mate to buy a 4 pack and get a free copy

I got two things for Xmas, GalCiv2 and an ant farm. And I haven't been mentioning it every 5 minutes have I?

(I know I began a sentence with And, and I also know I spelt sentence wrong, BUT DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A F*CK!?)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vicious Horizon

I got two things for Xmas, GalCiv2 and an ant farm. And I haven't been mentioning it every 5 minutes have I?

(I know I began a sentence with And, and I also know I spelt sentence wrong, BUT DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A F*CK!?)

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You look like you're the one who takes them. :rolleyes:



TAKE THAT!

You actually spelt sentence right.

I did? Bollocks. I can never get that word.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vicious Horizon

I did? Bollocks. I can never get that word.

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You can contradict yourself though ;).

I can also make absolutely no sense in every single post I make in a day.

comon challex its been evening for ages who wone :P