The ATK Forum Roleplay (Again!)

In Spaceship form! I was reading through old threads recently and decided to resurrect this old gem in a brand new form, previously it was set in an office, the only logical conclusion is that we’d go to space next. Feel free to play join in.

So the USS ATK is voyaging through space, with its well trained and completely irrelevant crew. The crew being:

Officers: (if you’re interested in playing, put what your job is here, like chief of security, or kittens, or something) Admin and Mods obviously.
Chalex – Captain, in charge of maintaining the whole ship. Is very protective about his Captain's Chair.
Chazlene – First Officer.
Bloo – Navigator/ Second Officer.
VoX – Pilot / Third Officer.
Phantom -

Crewmen (yellow, blue or normal names):
The rest of you are the crew.
Oricalcos - Gunnery Chief
D_K Head - Chief Scientist/ Doctor
Vicious Horizon - Ship's Noob/ Junior Crewman
(Kinda-sorta NPC) Mr Big - Maintenance Engineer
(NPC) Joe – Does something important, but no one is sure what.
(NPC) Ensign Ricky – The guy who is obviously going to die first.
(NPC) Bubber – Custodial Officer and Cook.
(NPC) MR51N-D2 - Obligatory Robot.
(NPC) Autopilot - Obvious.
(NPC) Ambassador Kyle Medea of the planet Nostril. (Temporary passenger)

Rules:
Format your post like this:
Alice: I love lamp.
Bob: No you don’t.
Alice: Yes I do. *Whacks Bob*

If you’re going to post dialogue which is not in character put a // in front of it. If you’re using a NPC put a (NPC) before their name. Don’t godmode (make yourself so inordinately powerful that nothing can affect you etc... if you do you’re just compensating for something anyway.) Don’t talk for other members of the community (unless they give you permission). Try not to make everything you do outrageously dramatic, witty banter is appreciated more. Remember actions are in ** tags like the example above.
If you want to join in just making an introductory post, no chainsaw massacres, be your character, develop their personality. Try not to speak 1n 1337. Use NPC’s freely. If someone posts while you were writing, edit your post to make sense. Keep it short-ish. Don’t get angry if people mock you in character, get back at them in character yourself!
Feel free to poke fun at sci-fi, the internet, and other members as you go on.

Also, and this just made me vomit, HAVE FUN! XD

I will also attempt to answer any comments, questions, etc you may have here:

Q: But Bloo, roleplaying is hideously uncool and any female of the species will immediately be repelled to you for doing it! Why should I post in this thread with you sad people?
A: Thank you for wonderful question! The answer is simple, we go on a website, talk about games, tell horrible jokes, link random pictures of LOLcats or Rick Astley performing “Never gonna give you up”. Why is posting satirical paragraphs which are essentially just a form of communal storytelling suddenly a dividing line between what is allowed and not allowed?

Q: Because I say so and because you’re doing an activity which I don’t agree with!
A: That never stopped me from doing your mum night after night!

Q: I posted a message expressing my view on not liking the forum roleplay and you continue to edit it to me spouting about my homosexuality/ small penis/ lack of personal hygiene, why?
A: Because deleting takes a lot more effort than editing.

Q: I want to play! I’m an alien!
A: I always thought you were.

Q: With four testicles!
A: Great!

Q: And I’m fifty foot tall!
A: Obviously be at least somewhat normal, fifty foot aliens with four balls are a great way to spice things up, but usually when they rape someone.

Q: I’m no good at this kind of thing, I don’t understand, what should I do?
A: Think of yourself as a character in a story, act like you would if you were that character. Read the rules for a general format on how to post, and some general etiquette. This is more to have fun than to make an epic sci-fi experience. So you know, tell crewman Vicious that the accept button is the big blue button that says “Accept” or crack jokes at your fellows mum. Basically, just parody ATK and don’t give a shit.

Q: Someone just did something funny IRL, can I comment on it in the thread?
A: Yes! Try and make it make sense in the context of the ship, or not. Or talk about your cat maybe.

// So I'll start it off.

*The USS ATK has been tasked with taking Ambassador Kyle Medea to the Interstellar Council meeting on Uranus, a trip that will take several days and many misadventures*
*Bloo arrives to the bridge to see that no one else has woken up yet, the whole place is empty.*
Bloo: Great, woke up a hour early again, now what do I do...
*spies the Captains seat and sits on it, beginning to play with buttons like a small child* I AM CAPTAIN BLOO AND IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER! Weeee!

// Cool idea Harry, I'll try and be active :).

*Bloo, unaware that one of the buttons he just pressed activated the intercom for the whole ship, continues to play around in the control chair*

*Meanwhile, Chalex4, is abruptly awoken to a voice shouting "Weeee!"*

*Chalex4, still drowsy and rather annoyed that someone's disturbed his precious sleep, fumbles on his bed side table for his earpiece.*

Chalex4: *Activating his headset* Bloo? That's you isn't it. Before you do anything else, just step away from the chair. That thing can do a lot of damage. Anyway, why are you up now? Just go to the holodeck, or..you know...perhaps you should check we're still on the right path? Just an idea.

*Chalex4, considering whether he should go and check on him, remembers that he didn't give out his customary warning*

Chalex4: Oh, and Bloo. Don't touch the chair again. If you want to shine it, you'll have to ask me as well.

*Chalex4, taking out his earpiece, sits back and enjoys the silence. Who knows what today will hold!*

// Judging by what Chalex said I guess it's night time...

*Chazlene is fast asleep dreaming about unicorns and shit*

*Bloo sighs, his fun being ruined decides to do as the Captain says and sits down at his station and checks the navigation chart*

Bloo: Hmm right everything seems in order, hopefully we won't be attacked by any space pirates while passing through the Uber nebula. Or I could send us into that wormhole over there for giggles... nah... Oh well.

*Bloo looks at his space holographic watch*

Bloo: Ooh, the kitchen is open, might go get breakfast while everyone else is waking up...

*Chazlene, bothered by the arguing going on above his head between Bloo and Chalex, eventually decided with much effort to flop out of bed. He decided to head to the kitchen, only wearing his ASTRO-BOXERS (//see, it fits in with the setting) and stumbled down the corridor of the officers' quarters, eyes still closed tight, pushing off the walls for support. Eventually making it to the dining area, Chazlene grabbed an imitation coffee, and went to sit down opposite Bloo, who had caught his attention by waving in a surprisingly sprightly manner.*

Chazlene (in a croaky voice): Morning Bloo... (who was trip waving frantically despite Chazlene having already sat down) ... we still on course to the Uber Nebula?

*Oricalcos, the ships weapons expert, was also awoken by Bloo bouncing up and down on Chalex's captain's chair, affectionaly known by the drones on the weapons deck as the 'Love Throne'. Not long after waking, he dresses in full ship regalia, including the standard issue pistol and the flimsy, makeshift, non-descript medal for saving the ship's old kitten from the waste disposal system. It unfortunatly had an airlock accident about 10 minutes later.

*Rather then enter the commotion occuring on the flight deck and officers level, Oricalcos goes straight to the weapons deck to inventory the weapons taken on at the last port. Along the way to the weapons storage area, he sees Joe skulking away with assorted parts. Normally one to question what other members are doing in the weapons desk, he let's Joe slide, but continues to wonder what he actually does and what, if anything, he was building.

*Oricalcos finally finds himself at the weapons storage area and it's respective database, where he begins to cataloge the new small arms and ammo, along with the larger ship weapons, whilst the drones pack them away. He also begins to run diagnostics on the ship's defences, which is often a very tempermental process, with the least problematic scenario being all the lights in the ship turning themselves off, and the most being an accidental ship lockdown for an hour. Hoping for the former or something in between, he begins the process.

//Just introducting character.

*sitting in the mess hall with Chazlene, Bloo takes a sip of his coffee from his personal "Ask me about Navigation!" mug.

Bloo: Through the Uber Nebula, through it... our destination Chazlene is.. *takes a breath* URANUS!
*Chazlene at this point facepalms and shakes his head at Bloo*
Bloo: Come on, you have to expect that joke by now..
Chazlene: Every time you say it Bloo, I die a little inside.
Bloo: Which is precisely why I say it! *takes another sip of his coffee, smiling to himself before tucking into his Orion Scrambled Eggs and Bacon from Alpha Centuri, the lights flicker a bit and everyone in the room look up at them thinking*

*Vox, The Pilot of the ship, walks into the mess hall, Sipping good old English tea from his "Free mug" mug, and sits down to listen to the engaging conversation between Bloo and Chazlene

Vox: Morning all, all well up here?

Chazlene: Oh hey thar Vox... same old same old to be honest, coffee still tastes like Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal piss and (*gives Bloo's food a disgusted look*) Bloo can somehow face a stupendous amount of fried food this early... what's up with you?

*D_K is still asleep. And is likely to remain asleep for at least two more hours, because D_K is NOT a morning person. Even when morning dosen't exist.

*Bloo after finishing his bacon and eggs looks up at the two and replies to Chazlene*
Bloo: I've been up for three hours already, so this probably lunch for me. *he wipes his face with a napkin clearing it of bacon fat.* Either way I should get to the bridge and check through our course again, and make sure the autopilot isn't sending us into the core of a sun, again. *looks at VoX, narrowing his eyes* Can't trust a woman, even a woman who is technically an advanced computer, to drive eh?
*Bloo gets up and walks off, as he walks into the corridor Joe bumps into him, dropping some of the various contraceptions he's acquired*
Joe: Sorry sir.
Bloo: No problem. *spies all the odd things he has, laser rifles, plasma torches, neutronium shielding bars, astro-boxers, holographic keycards* Erm, what are they all for?
Joe: My job sir.
Bloo: Right... Err, carry on. *Mental Note: Actually look through the crew roster to see what he does on the ship* I must go as well then.
*Bloo heads off to the Bridge again, it still being empty, he sits at his post and looks about, then fires up Spade Invaders on his personal console which he had illegally ported onto it.*

// I shall be the ship noob.

Ir teh janitor/maintenance! Ddibss!
and no i dont do toilets...

(eh eh i cba to type fun stuff, i just want to read stuff you type about me and ill feel special then :))

*Having finished the diagnostic, with only a little light flickering, Oricalcos heads up to the mess hall, making sure to grab his 'Lasers don't kill people, I do' mug on the way. Nearing the mess hall, he sees a couple of rifles and shield devices dropped around the corridor. He calls up a drone from the weapons bay to collect them and then proceeds to enter the mess hall, where he notices Chaz and VoX sitting.

Oricalcos: 'Sup guys. Did the diagnostic cause too many problems up here?

*Before waiting for a responce, Oricalcos begins to make breakfast from the counters of hot Mokchao imported from Sheldor V, a blended mixture of Mok Tribe bird meats, the scrambled eggs of the reptilian Chanarian and rich syrup from the AoAo human settlement. He also fills his mug up with some of VoX's tea.

Chazlene: Heya Oric, nah no problems up here... (suddenly realising it's later than he thought) Ah damn, I'd better get up to the bridge, see you lot later.

*Chazlene leaves the mess hall and starts walking up to the bridge, when he gets there he finds the autopilot sat at the controls, with Bloo engrossed in something at the navigation console. Despite the calm atmosphere, Chazlene suddenly notices that the autopilot is taking the ship straight into an asteroid field*

Chazlene: Wait... dammit Bloo, didn't you notice what the autopilot is doing?!

Bloo: (*looks up confused*) Wuh...?

*Chazlene storms over to the autopilot and without consideration rips it away from the console, which screams as it falls onto the ground. The whole ship shudders for a few seconds until Chazlene places his hands on the controls and takes over controlling the ship.*

Chazlene: (*Over the intercom*) Vox! Get up here right now and steer the ship, the bloody autopilot has got us into a mess... (*Chazlene looks down at the twitching autopilot, which occasionally emits sparks*) MR51N-D2... come and take the autopilot down to repairs...

*After a few seconds Chazlene looks over at Bloo who is staring at the autopilot with a look of worry on his face*

Chazlene: Bloo... check the navigation monitors, can we easily evade the asteroid field?

*Hears the call over the intercom.

Vox: Dammit Bloo! Laters Oric, I better get up there!

*Rushes up to the bridge and takes control of the ship.

Oricalcos: What do you mean laters, we're probaly gonna need the lasers for this!

*Rushing to take all breakfast materials with him, Oricalcos darts back to the lifts for the weapons bay. He activates his drone control wristband.

Oricalcos: All drones, all drones, activate forward shields and prepare laser batteries to fire - protocol 7 Delta, asteriod collision.

*Bloo quickly tabs to the short-range scanners and grunts*

Bloo: *shouting angrily* Hells hells, WHY DIDN'T CHALEX UPDATE THE MAPS TO THE LATEST VERSION ALREADY! *sighs* Ok, we can't avoid it at this speed, VoX, takes evasive action! Now!

*VoX does so, flying the ship the best he can*

Bloo: Scanning now... right, up loading a map for you VoX, do the best you can - shi-.

*The map shows that the ship is about to be bombarded by an asteroid to its starboard side. A few seconds later the asteroid crashes into the ship, its shields not being able to reflect the relatively slow moving asteroid (in comparison to say, a laser beam or mass accelerator shot...) , causes the whole ship shudders at the crash, consoles blowing up in an inordinately dangerous way and fires burning everywhere*

VoX: Someone get that fire out!

*seconds later the main guns fire, blowing the asteroid into dust and blowing up a few more, the crew takes a collective sigh of relief*

Bloo: *takes a breath* Ugh.. that was just the start of it.

Chazlene: *panting* Yeah, VoX do what you can *Chazlene presses on the intercom* Keep the guns prepped down there Oricalcos, good work. Engineers, forward as much power to the shields as you can, and Chalex, wake up, we have a situation. *ends intercom* Phew... remind me to give Oricalcos a free anti-grav pen when I see him.

Bloo: At least it wasn't like the time Crewman Vicious brought all those damn Snarlaccian snakes onto the ship...

*Mr.Big curses those Snarlaccian snakes...

Chazlene: Don't remind me Bloo... I still have nightmares about waking up to find a Snarlaccian snake clamped onto the end of my...

*There was another shudder as a second asteroid collided with the ship, sending Bloo and Chazlene off balance*

Chazlene: (*Reading off a monitor where the collision happened*) Shit, that was too close to the bridge... (*Over the intercom*) all marines, get up to top deck to tackle the blaze.

*At this point an angered Ambassador Kyle Medea storms onto the bridge, still in his night clothes, demanding to know what is going on*

Ambassador: Onaib selbmeser ddiarb ehcatsuom m dolhca hteb!!!!

Chazlene: (*Trying to calm the ambassador down with his arms outstretched*) Don't worry, there's nothing to be alarmed about ambassador, just return to your sleeping quarters...

*Chazlene's words seemed to have no effect on the Ambassador, who proceeds to flail his mating tentacles in anger, which get dangerously close to harming the crew. Without hesitation Chazlene grabs a nearby tazer and shoots it directly at the Ambassador's chest, who immediately crumples onto the floor, with his tentacles lying around him.*

Chazlene: I've got no time for that twat in a situation like this... (*over intercom*) Ricky... come and take the Ambassador back to his room...

Bloo: (*As ricky struggles to drag the body away*) You know he's gonna be VERY PISSED OFF when he comes round again...?

*Oricalcos overhears the commotion over the intercom.

Oricalcos: Please tell me that wasn't my new prototype tazer, because if it is, we might want a mop and bucket along with the escort.

*D_K groans as the ship is shaken by the collision...

D_K: uugghh... Five more minutes... don't wanna...

Bloo: *in a wry tone to Chazlene* That might have been a little extreme, Commander. Either way. *the ship shudders and everyone stumbles as the ship is hit by another asteroid*

VoX: Sorry! This is hard work you know.

Bloo: I'll check the navigation chart and see how long we'll have to cope with this...

*Bloo fires up the charts and looks at them, meanwhile Mr Big arrives to sort out the fire, deftly doing it in 2-3 minutes, then the marines arrive and scratch their heads looking dumb*

Chazlene: Ugh, nevermind with you lot, Bobbie, Aiming and Corporal Mike, you're dismissed!

*The three marines stagger off, one commenting about the Commander's mother and another saying "nononononono, no, no..."*

Bloo: *coughs and whispers to the young Ensign Ricky* Ensign Ricky, I'd move that body before Chazlene blows another gasket and tazers you next.

*Ensign Ricky gulps, well aware that he will be the first casualty of this adventure, he privately curses the choice of wearing his red uniform, knowing that it sealed the fact he was going to die, by being, well a redshirt. He then drags the ambassadors unconscious body off the Bridge, crying to himself because if the asteroids don't kill him, the next thing they encounter will, and it'll much more horrible and painful death for him.*

(NPC) Ensign Ricky: *sobbing* Maybe I should send a message to my mum before I die...

*he drags the body away down the empty corridor, a falling panels narrowly missing hitting him directly on the head, he looks at it and just breaks down in tears*

*meanwhile on the bridge again..*

Bloo: Does anyone hear crying? Erm, anyway, we've only got a few more minutes of this asteroid field, so we should pull through.

Chazlene: *acting all important and in charge* What are your scans of the area directly ahead?

Bloo: That it should be cleaning sailing, unless we run into any Cosmo-Pirates.

VoX: ... Cosmo-pirates?

Oricalcos (over intercom): Don't forget the Maulers. Savage brutes, make Cosmo-Pirates look like fluffy kittens. Oh, and if anyone's still aware to the fact we are in the asteroid field, the lasers are prepped and ready to start blasting our way out.

*Oricalcos, sensing a chance to practice target shooting, starts up the manual controls for the main guns and clambers into the control pod.

*Listening to Oric's broadcast


Vox: Oh bollocks, what sort of chances are there we could run into any of the aforementioned nasties?

Chazlene: Well they're known to loiter around these parts... let's just hope it's only the asteroids we have to put up with.

Oric: (*over intercom*) Booom! HEADSHOT!!!

Vox: (*Muttering in confusion*) How can you headshot an asteroid...

Bloo: Hang on what's this on the scanner... oh shi- Chazlene I wouldn't speak so soon...

Bloo: Luckily it's only cosmo-pirates we have to deal with, since Maulers only terrorise the galactic rim... but erm, its a carrier. They've launched fighters.

Chazlene: ...

Bloo: We really should launch our own fighter-drones.

Chazlene: Do it.

Bloo: Errr... we need the Captain for that order to be put through, only he has clearance.

VoX: I guess I better keep up with the evasive action.

*Oricalcos begins a scan of the threatening vessel. He begins to broadcast the results as well as transmit schematics up to the bridge for analysis and tactical advice.

Oricalcos: The carrier's shield are at full strength, so I will need to start charging up the main lasers to full combat effectiveness in order to have any effect on them. The smaller lasers are offline, but can help deal with the fighters when they are online, but we really need the drones to take them down. Both will take a couple minutes to get ready.

But note to commanders, as the weapons guy, can I really get the authorisation to launch the battle drones, it's not my fault the last time I tried to use them, they nearly took out the engines.....ok, I forgot to update the circuitry when we upgraded the engines, and they mistook them for enemy craft, but it's still not entirely my fault.

Back on task, let me know when Chalex is back in command, I need his authorisation to even activate the torpedo bays and use my Isphera II prototypes, which would make this a lot easier. But we only have one set, and it'll be a while before I can get the parts together for another batch, so we might wanna save them for a dire emergency.

Weapons scans will be done in a minute or two.

*Tuning away from full intercom, Oricalcos activates the manual weapons bay drone control panel

Oricalcos (over drone interface): All drones, all drones, ship is under threat from possible astro-pirate attack, prep all laser weapons along protocol 3 alpha.

*Before the asteroid field began, Chalex4 has been updating the captain's log. Although they've been having a relatively boring last few months, he enjoys feeling like Jean-Luc Picard - making every small decision seem like life or death.*

Chalex4: ... and then Bloo went and sat in it again!! Seriously, does he want us all to die a horri...

*THE SHIP SHUDDERS*

*Chalex4 pauses, and waits for someone to call him. Noone does*

Chalex4: We have a situation, I'll report back shortly. Computer, save log.

*He realises it must just be something boring and non-threatening like an asteroid field. His crew are trained well, and he decides it'll be a good test to see how they do on their own.*

Chalex4: Computer, bring up all feeds from the bridge.

*Chalex4 soon finds himself virtually sitting in his chair on the bridge. He's happy to see Bloo doing something else other than sitting in it. Although he can still see his room, the bridge and everyone inside has been superimposed and scaled on top in 4D. He is literally on the bridge, invisible to everyone else. Vital ship statistics are always visible in his peripheral vision, always in focus, adjusting to wherever he moves.*

*Initially impressed with how things are going, he doesn't take too kindly to the Ambassador being tazered and the ship catching on fire*

Chalex4: Right, that's it. They need me up there.

*Putting back in his earpiece, he gets in his private transporter (lift)*

Chalex4: Computer, take me to the bridge. Fast.

*Listening to the intercom in the lift, he hears news of the fighters. Starting to psych himself up, he feels ready*

Chalex4: BRING IT ON!!

*The lift doors open, Chalex4 starts pacing towards his chair, firing commands out to his crew*

Chalex4: Nobody messes with the USS ATK, let's show them what we've got. Oric, warm up all your god damn weapon systems, we don't want to be caught off guard. Vox, good job, keep up the evasive action. Bloo, find us a way out of this mess should things get worse. Chaz, don't tazer the ambassador again. We don't want the council hating us on Uranus. The rest of you, stop standing around and look busy! I want everything ready at my go ahead in 1 minute Oric. Make it happen.

Fighters are going to have a hard time getting us in these asteroids, so let's use that to our advantage. The enemy are straight ahead, and we seem to be destroying all the asteroids between us. Who thought that was a good idea? Vox, turn us 45 degrees counter-clockwise, and SOMEONE redirect more power to the shields starboard side. It's going to get messy.

Once those drones are ready, you don't need my permission to let all hell loose. If you need pilots, find them.

*Chalex4 sits in his chair, it recognises his presence. He starts pressing various buttons, the lights in the bridge become red.*

Computer: Welcome back captain. ACTION STATION protocol initialised. I repeat, ACTION STATION protocol initialised.

*The bridge doors shut and lock behind everyone, making a distinctive "clunk" sound. Only proiris confirmed crew can enter*

Bloo: Erm captain, they're called Fighter-Drones for a reason, since you know, they don't need pilots. However I do have a backup route through Tauron system in case things go south, just waiting for engineering to spool up the FTL.

Chalex: Well done Bloo.

Bloo: Also Sir...

*the ships shudders as it comes under fire, the laser systems peppering into the shields of the enemy vessel*

Chalex: *grunts after the shudder* Yes?

*Oric releases the fighter-drones and then begin to engage the enemy, with lots of pew-pew-pews*

Bloo: You're not wearing any trousers. Thought you'd like to know.

Mr.big wakes up after a few days of cryosleep, wanders around the ship searching for the crew

Mr.Big finds Bloo *poke poke*