What's red and scratches at the glass before it explodes?

A baby in a microwave
Why does Michael Jackson never win the Grand Prix?

He's always comeing in a little behind
Whats red and covered in newspaper?

Abortion of chips
A man buys his wonderful wife a nice 4 door car. She decides to take her two kids on a school run with her new car. The car swerves slightly as she goes round a corner on the country road but she doesn't take any notice of it. As she turns round the next corner the car swerves again but this time into the path of an articulated lorry BAM!
The woman wakes up in hospital. There is a doctor standing over her.
"Don't worry you are ok, you've been in a coma but there are no signs of brain damage" says the doctor.
"But what about my kids?" asks the woman. "My son is a great footballer he could have played for england and my daughter she was amazing at tennis."
"Shame!" said the doctor "Your daughter lost both her arms and your son both his legs." After some crying the woman asked what the date was.
The doctor replied "April 1st 2006".
The woman says " So it was just a joke?" suddenly feeling relieved.
"Oh Yes" Said the doctor, "They were both of course killed on Impact, I thought you knew".