It had been several months now that I had been behind bars after being falsely sentenced to 20 years in prison, AKA Australia, on charges of child molesting which actually one of my close friend's had committed. I looked out of the small window in my concrete cell up at the sky, longing for that day when I could fly back home and leave this reptile covered rock.
(Aussie accent) "A'right, you got half an hour" A voice called out behind me, as I heard the usual rattling of keys, as my fellow inmates and I were let out for our daily yard time. We all shuffled out into the courtyard in a silent bunch, and wandered about for a while stretching.
"Gee, you lot here that?" said Bruce who was behind me.
"I sure do, sounds like something bouncing..." replied Bruce who was standing next to him. Bruce, who was usually silent, suddenly said:
"It's the sound of a kang...". At that very second a kangaroo appeared to fall out of the sky, instantly crushing Bruce.
"Woah," said Bruce "Would you look at that!"
"Must of jumped the perimeter fence!" added Bruce, who went up to cautiously to stroke the animal. A few moments were spent as everyone gathered in a circle around the kangaroo and gazed in amazement. After a while an idea came to me:
"Wait, do you know what this means?" I suddenly blurted out.
"What? Wait, what's your name again?" Bruce said.
"Chazlene" I replied "This means we can escape!" I continued "If this thing managed to jump in here, I'm sure it'd have no problem hopping back out again with one of us on its back!"
"There's only little problem..." said Bruce solemnly "It can only take one of us". There was a miserable murmur among the crowd as it was realised only one prisoner would be able to get out. For a few moments some of us sat in circle, discussing who should be given freedom. Finally Bruce stood up:
"Well, after much discussion we have decided, since most of us would rather stay here 'cus our homes are ridden with deadly spiders and at least it's safe here, that Chazlene should be allowed to take the kangaroo to freedom and go back to pommie land". I felt thrilled, that finally I could get the freedom I deserved, and go and prove my innocence. With that I happily hopped onto the Kangaroo, thanked everyone around me, kicked it in the side and flew out of the courtyard. I looked behind myself as I was in mid air, to see a dozen angry jail guards pouring into the courtyard, with their boomerangs whizzing past my ears. At the same time unfortunately, I also noticed that some joker had shoved a packet of fags up the critter's backside, and just then I also came to realise that the kangaroo had had quite a bit of cauliflower for his lunch (I think you can put two and two together). Shortly I experienced the high G's as we flew out of the Earth's atmosphere and to the ends of the Solar System at roughly a Billion miles per hour. Fortunately for me I had held a long full of air, and, against all the odds, me and my kangaroo were picked up by a passing space ship, at odds of 765829million:1 against, which also happened to be my phone number. But this joy and relief didn't last forever, as we were kicked off the ship through the airlock since the kangaroo had done one on the carpet and once again we found ourselves floating around in the abyss of space, until we plummeted through the thin atmosphere of the moon and landed on the satellite itself. After assessing the situation I realised how I was worse off than I was when I started, and utterly screwed. Well, it could have been worse, being stuck on the moon with a lifetime supply of cheese, a packet of fags and an Australian rodent to keep me company. Later on in my life as the moon's only resident, the amount of cheese inspired me to write a story, by burning letters with the cigarettes onto the kangaroo's hide since it had long been eaten, about how I epically defended my very own castle armed with nothing but a couple of baguettes and a plate of cheese.
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks