Could you have removed the >'s?
Could you post a joke?

Here's a few:

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first
hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying
a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if
I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
"Sure," they said, "You're welcome."
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the
company of the newcomer. Part way around the course,
one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What
do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!" was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his
golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's
rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are
my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic sight,"
said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I
think I might be able to see my house from here."
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight
in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see
my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can
see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in
the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's
that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with
her. He's naked as well! The bitch!" He turned
to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a
hit?"
"I do a flat rate, for you, £1000
every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy,
so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's
a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his
dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing
perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going
to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.
"Just wait a moment, be patient," said the
hit man calmly, "I think I can save you £1000 here....."

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the ladies room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one wish is granted. However, if one tells a lie then with a “POOF” you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
So, a redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."
“POOF” The mirror swallows her.
Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive."
“POOF” The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think. . . ."
“POOF”

Q: What's the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
A: Acne usually comes on a boy's face AFTER he turns 13.

Q: What's the difference between a JCB and a giraffe?
A: A JCB has hydraulics and a giraffe has high bollocks.