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Thread: Random Jokes thread

  1. #1
    ATK Member Mr.Big's Avatar
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    Random Jokes thread

    Post random jokes here. I've got few of them so I'll begin
    try keeping this as clean as possible no racism/offensive etc...

    Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding on a camel when they stopped at a small town. Bin Laden gets off the camel and lifts up its tail and looks at the camel's butt, just then a guy comes over and says, "What are you doing?"
    Osama replies, "About 2 miles back I heard someone say, 'Hey, look at the two assholes on that camel.

    What's the most famous coffee in Afghanistan?
    Osama bin Latte

    What's the national bird of Afghanistan?
    DUCK!!!

    Osama bin Laden threatened Russia:
    If you get caught up in this war... I'll hide from you too!

    Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
    "I will give each of you each one wish. That's three wishes total," says the genie.
    The Canadian says, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
    With a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
    Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."
    Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
    "Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
    The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - it's virtually impenetrable."
    Uncle Sam says, "Fill it with water."

    Osama jokes for the win haha, got few more

    Only In America
    1.Only in America......can a pizza get to
    your house faster than an ambulance.

    2. Only in America......are there
    handicap parking places in front of a
    skating rink.

    3. Only in America......do drugstores
    make the sick walk all the way to the
    back of the store to get their
    prescriptions while healthy people can buy
    cigarettes at the front.

    4. Only in America......do people order
    double cheeseburgers, large fries,
    and a diet coke.

    5. Only in America......do banks leave
    both doors open and then chain the
    pens to the counters.

    6. Only in America......do we leave cars
    worth thousands of dollars in the
    driveway and put our useless junk in the
    garage.

    7. Only in America......do we use
    answering machines to screen calls and
    then have call waiting so we won't miss a
    call from someone we didn't want
    to talk to in the first place.

    8. Only in America......do we buy hot
    dogs in packages of ten and buns in
    packages of eight.

    Well YOU Post some funny jokes 2.
    Quote Originally Posted by Phantom View Post
    Being a pirate is not illegal VoX, you just have to be a bit mad to do it. I for one love Mr.Big for who he is.
    Quote Originally Posted by Oricalcos View Post
    And no Mr. Big, I will not buy every single module in T2 form just because I have exuberant amounts of liquid capital
    Quote Originally Posted by Target View Post
    @ Vox its not worth buying Ass Creed 2 its more of the same just "Mr Big" it and then buy BC2

  2. #2
    ATK Member Isphera's Avatar
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    Re: Random Jokes thread

    Could you have removed the >'s?

  3. #3
    ATK Member Mr.Big's Avatar
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    Re: Random Jokes thread

    uh where did the edit button go, i seriously cant see the edit button???

    *EDIT* lol i saw the edit button on this but not on my other post wtf???
    Quote Originally Posted by Phantom View Post
    Being a pirate is not illegal VoX, you just have to be a bit mad to do it. I for one love Mr.Big for who he is.
    Quote Originally Posted by Oricalcos View Post
    And no Mr. Big, I will not buy every single module in T2 form just because I have exuberant amounts of liquid capital
    Quote Originally Posted by Target View Post
    @ Vox its not worth buying Ass Creed 2 its more of the same just "Mr Big" it and then buy BC2

  4. #4
    Community Manager Chazlene's Avatar
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    Re: Random Jokes thread

    Could you have removed the >'s?
    Could you post a joke?

    Here's a few:

    Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first
    hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying
    a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if
    I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
    "Sure," they said, "You're welcome."
    So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the
    company of the newcomer. Part way around the course,
    one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What
    do you do for a living?"
    "I'm a hit man," was the reply.
    "You're joking!" was the response.
    "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his
    golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's
    rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are
    my tools."
    "That's a beautiful telescopic sight,"
    said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I
    think I might be able to see my house from here."
    So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight
    in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see
    my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can
    see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in
    the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's
    that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with
    her. He's naked as well! The bitch!" He turned
    to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a
    hit?"
    "I do a flat rate, for you, £1000
    every time I pull the trigger."
    "Can you do two for me now?"
    "Sure, what do you want?"
    "First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy,
    so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's
    a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his
    dick off to teach him a lesson."
    The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing
    perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going
    to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.
    "Just wait a moment, be patient," said the
    hit man calmly, "I think I can save you £1000 here....."

    Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the ladies room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one wish is granted. However, if one tells a lie then with a “POOF” you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
    So, a redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."
    “POOF” The mirror swallows her.
    Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive."
    “POOF” The mirror swallows her.
    Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think. . . ."
    “POOF”

    Q: What's the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
    A: Acne usually comes on a boy's face AFTER he turns 13.

    Q: What's the difference between a JCB and a giraffe?
    A: A JCB has hydraulics and a giraffe has high bollocks.
    "If at first you don't succeed, spend a lot of money to have a professional do it for you."


    My Battlelog

  5. #5

    Re: Random Jokes thread

    Whats the difference between Madeline McCann and the pope?
    The pope died a virgin

    What do you call a dead baby wrapped up in newspaper?
    Abortion of chips

    What do you get when you cross a rooster with a turkey?
    A woman.
    Still don’t get it? Where else would you find a cock gobbler?

  6. #6
    ATK Member FaTaL's Avatar
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    Re: Random Jokes thread

    A black man and women go out for a meal at a fancy restaurant, after the meal they go back to the womens house for a coffee, after then coffee the women pulls him to bed, while having sex the black women shouts "DO WHAT YOU DO BEST". so the black man gets up grabs the TV and jumps out the window.
    No Chocolate for you now bitch!

  7. #7
    Administrator Chalex4's Avatar
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    Re: Random Jokes thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Big View Post
    uh where did the edit button go, i seriously cant see the edit button???

    *EDIT* lol i saw the edit button on this but not on my other post wtf???
    After a certain period of time, you can no longer edit your posts. Don't worry, I will fix your first post for you.
    Quote Originally Posted by ez64
    chalex has so much control we control ourselves

  8. #8
    ATK Member Mr.Big's Avatar
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    Re: Random Jokes thread

    oh ok
    Quote Originally Posted by Phantom View Post
    Being a pirate is not illegal VoX, you just have to be a bit mad to do it. I for one love Mr.Big for who he is.
    Quote Originally Posted by Oricalcos View Post
    And no Mr. Big, I will not buy every single module in T2 form just because I have exuberant amounts of liquid capital
    Quote Originally Posted by Target View Post
    @ Vox its not worth buying Ass Creed 2 its more of the same just "Mr Big" it and then buy BC2

  9. #9
    Deagle > Five-Seven VoX's Avatar
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    Re: Random Jokes thread

    A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink. Suddenly, a man hollers at him, ''I screwed your mom last night!'' Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him.

    Again, he hears, ''Your mom was good in bed last night!'' Again, he tries to ignore it.

    The man is just about to speak again but the guy stops him and says, ''Dad, go home, you're drunk!''

  10. #10
    ATK Member Bloo's Avatar
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    Re: Random Jokes thread

    Q. Whats funnier than you in a barrel?
    A. You in ten barrels.

    Say that to anyone you don't like when they annoy you.

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