Random Jokes thread

[Mr.Big]

Post random jokes here. I've got few of them so I'll begin
try keeping this as clean as possible no racism/offensive etc...

Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding on a camel when they stopped at a small town. Bin Laden gets off the camel and lifts up its tail and looks at the camel's butt, just then a guy comes over and says, "What are you doing?"
Osama replies, "About 2 miles back I heard someone say, 'Hey, look at the two assholes on that camel.

What's the most famous coffee in Afghanistan?
Osama bin Latte

What's the national bird of Afghanistan?
DUCK!!!

Osama bin Laden threatened Russia:
If you get caught up in this war... I'll hide from you too!

Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you each one wish. That's three wishes total," says the genie.
The Canadian says, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - it's virtually impenetrable."
Uncle Sam says, "Fill it with water."

Osama jokes for the win haha, got few more

Only In America
1.Only in America......can a pizza get to
your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there
handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order
double cheeseburgers, large fries,
and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the
pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars
worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the
garage.

7. Only in America......do we use
answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a
call from someone we didn't want
to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot
dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.

Well YOU Post some funny jokes 2.

[Isphera]

Could you have removed the >'s?

[Mr.Big]

uh where did the edit button go, i seriously cant see the edit button???

*EDIT* lol i saw the edit button on this but not on my other post wtf???

[Chazlene]

Could you have removed the >'s?

Could you post a joke?

Here's a few:

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first
hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying
a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if
I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
"Sure," they said, "You're welcome."
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the
company of the newcomer. Part way around the course,
one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What
do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!" was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his
golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's
rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are
my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic sight,"
said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I
think I might be able to see my house from here."
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight
in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see
my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can
see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in
the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's
that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with
her. He's naked as well! The bitch!" He turned
to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a
hit?"
"I do a flat rate, for you, £1000
every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy,
so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's
a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his
dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing
perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going
to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.
"Just wait a moment, be patient," said the
hit man calmly, "I think I can save you £1000 here....."

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the ladies room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one wish is granted. However, if one tells a lie then with a “POOF” you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
So, a redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."
“POOF” The mirror swallows her.
Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive."
“POOF” The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think. . . ."
“POOF”

Q: What's the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
A: Acne usually comes on a boy's face AFTER he turns 13.

Q: What's the difference between a JCB and a giraffe?
A: A JCB has hydraulics and a giraffe has high bollocks.

[Hutch]

Whats the difference between Madeline McCann and the pope?
The pope died a virgin

What do you call a dead baby wrapped up in newspaper?
Abortion of chips

What do you get when you cross a rooster with a turkey?
A woman.
Still don’t get it? Where else would you find a cock gobbler?

[FaTaL]

A black man and women go out for a meal at a fancy restaurant, after the meal they go back to the womens house for a coffee, after then coffee the women pulls him to bed, while having sex the black women shouts "DO WHAT YOU DO BEST". so the black man gets up grabs the TV and jumps out the window.

[Chalex4]

uh where did the edit button go, i seriously cant see the edit button???

*EDIT* lol i saw the edit button on this but not on my other post wtf???

After a certain period of time, you can no longer edit your posts. Don't worry, I will fix your first post for you.

[Mr.Big]

oh ok

[VoX]

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink. Suddenly, a man hollers at him, ''I screwed your mom last night!'' Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him.

Again, he hears, ''Your mom was good in bed last night!'' Again, he tries to ignore it.

The man is just about to speak again but the guy stops him and says, ''Dad, go home, you're drunk!''

[Bloo]

Q. Whats funnier than you in a barrel?
A. You in ten barrels.

Say that to anyone you don't like when they annoy you.